please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
