he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
