wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
