Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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