God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
