Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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