I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
