OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
