is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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