I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
