Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
