Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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