you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
