Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's paint friendship bongs
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
