You can't motorboat a personality
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
