I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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