Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
