Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
