It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
