god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
