i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
