Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize