Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
