This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
