I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
