I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
