dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
