U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
