My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You need Xanax blowdarts
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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