how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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