Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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