Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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