I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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