morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize