They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
