Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
