I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
