the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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