Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
