just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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