I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
