so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize