you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
