Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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