she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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