i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
