i love accidental penises.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
