just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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