I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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