My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
