he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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