i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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