Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
