when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
