Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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