I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
