Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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