I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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