i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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