Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how drunk are you?
Several
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
