then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
