How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
